In my years as a human being I've been known or have been seen as someone who is not a big fan of animals, pets to be exact. While somewhat true, I feel this fact about me has been exaggerated and needs some clarification.
Ok, so maybe I don't gravitate to your pet, but I do like dogs and showing them some love is fun from time to time. My issue is when your animal distracts me from HUMAN INTERACTION. That's right people, I want to enjoy YOU. I want to be your friend, hear about your life, and it's hard for me to do that when your dog is jumping in my lap and stepping on my groin.
Now there are some exceptions to the rule. I've been around several friends that have a well trained, well behaved dog that can be in the same room with everyone and not be all up in the face. Smaller dogs are also fun and can be tolerated much more than the giant dogs that have some sort of small dog envy.
I'll just sum all this up by saying if your pet is naturally high strung and can't handle all that is Will Troutman, then have an appropriate holding cell or back yard for the dog to roam in while I'm around. I think this will benefit us all and particularly me, because that's what being my friend is all about.
Yours Truly,
The Jerk
P.S. I didn't want to forget an important disclaimer for all of my friends interested in getting a dog. Stay far away from the Maltese breed. It is a worthless animal and I'm pretty sure that the devil himself has possessed each of these dogs with the most incessant barking known to man.
2 comments:
Scooter embodies all that you loathe in pets. Now we have the backyard to banish him to so you are safe to come over again.
I am glad you never knew Daisy. This post would have consisted of incoherent, caveman-like ramblings if that were the case. Fortunately for the world, this was angered, slightly crazed ramblings. Nicely done, suga' cookie!
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